Dear Diary, Today I Didn’t Commit Murder. Progress. Vol. 2

(Vol. 2 — The Automated Phone System Stared Into My Soul, And I Almost Went Supernova)

Alright, you magnificent, barely-restrained perpetrators of internal carnage. Welcome back to the weekly goddamn support group for people whose primary survival strategy is, on most days, simply not committing a felony. If you’re new here, grab a bottle of something that burns and catch the fuck up. This is Dear Diary, Today I Didn’t Commit Murder. Prog…